Social media can keep us connected to friends and family, introduce us to communities we might never find offline and offer an endless supply of entertainment, information and inspiration.
It can also leave us feeling anxious, isolated or inadequate, keep us scrolling long after we meant to stop or expose us to content that reinforces unhealthy behaviors.
So how do you know when your own relationship with social media could use a reset?
A recent study of more than 180,000 U.S. adults found a consistent association between greater social media use and self-reported depression. But the researchers could not establish whether social media use contributed to depression, depression led people to spend more time on social media or other factors were at work.
Research involving children and teens paints a similarly complicated picture. Association américaine de psychologie notes that social media use is “not inherently beneficial or harmful to young people,” with effects depending on factors including what young people do and see online, their individual circumstances and how social media fits into the rest of their lives.
We asked Pacific Clinics’ behavioral health experts what they are seeing among the children, teens and adults they serve, and what people can pay attention to in their own social media habits.
Start With How You Feel
Pour Program Director Celeste Lane, LCSW, one of the simplest ways to understand your relationship with social media is to check in with yourself before, during and after using it.
“Notice how you’re feeling before you start scrolling, while you’re using social media and after you stop. If you notice your mood taking a turn and you feel worse, have a plan to disengage and pivot to something that would be more helpful, like calling a friend or reading.”
Celeste said that in her work with children and teens, cyberbullying and social comparison, including fear of missing out, frequently come up in sessions, particularly among clients experiencing depression or anxiety. But she cautions against assuming that social media affects everyone the same way.
“Social media can have positive impacts, too. It’s important to look at how it is affecting you as an individual before deciding what changes you might want to make. It isn’t necessarily the amount of time that’s the problem. The focus should be more on the impact it is having on you.”
Pay Attention to Both Time and Content
Scott Fairhurst, Ph.D., vice president of outcomes & evaluation, training and intern development, sees two different questions people can ask about their social media habits.
“When the phone is leading to a decrease in those healthy behaviors, the issue is time. When the social media use amplifies their unhealthy patterns, the issue is content.”
Scott points to isolation, exposure to risky or harmful content and emotional dysregulation as areas of concern. For people already struggling with challenges such as self-harm, disordered eating, insomnia, gambling or suicidal thoughts, he notes that social media can provide greater exposure to content related to those risks.
Rather than simply telling someone to spend less time online, however, Scott favors helping people make their own assessment.
“What advice would you give a friend who wanted their life to be X and they were doing Y?”
By asking people to consider what they would tell a friend, Scott encourages them to approach their own behavior with greater compassion and perspective. People who are struggling with depression, for example, may judge themselves more harshly than they would someone else. The exercise can help them recognize when their online habits aren’t supporting the life they want, without leaving them feeling scolded about their screen time.
Curate What You Consume
Sometimes the question isn’t whether to use social media, but what kind of digital environment you’re creating for yourself.
Cristina Millar Menancio, master of social work intern, sees both sides in her work with young people. Social media can help people maintain relationships with family members who live far away, stay in touch through small daily interactions and find communities where they feel a sense of belonging.
Her practical advice is to be deliberate about what earns a place in your feed.
“Pay attention to who you follow. Look for accounts that encourage you, teach you something new, support your creativity or generally make you feel good.”
Notice What’s Being Displaced
Psychologist Dr. Brandon Yip, PsyD, JD, has heard from adolescent and young adult clients who recognize that their own habits, particularly consuming large amounts of news, are increasing their anxiety and want help changing them. He works with clients and families to consider whether screen use is crowding out other parts of daily life and where reducing that use might create room for healthier routines.
“I encourage clients and parents to think not only about how much time they’re spending online, but what kind of content they’re consuming. Recherche émergente has found associations between heavy short-form video use (like TikTok or Instagram reels) and concerns including inattention and impulsivity among young people, although researchers are still working to understand whether one causes the other.”
Learning to Choose, Not Just Limit
Of course, spending time online doesn’t necessarily mean someone is isolated.
Weston Taussig, clinical team supervisor, has worked with young people for whom digital interaction has provided meaningful friendships and access to people who share interests they may not encounter in their immediate communities.
“For some clients, social media has had a tremendously negative impact, contributing to isolation, negative self-image and a constant sense of FOMO. For others, digital interaction has been a lifeline, allowing them to connect with people around the world through shared interests or niche topics they may not have access to locally.”
Most young people he encounters, he said, fall somewhere between those extremes.
And at a Pacific Clinics’ weekly Boys Group called The Barbershop in Pasadena, Weston has seen what can happen when young people are given the opportunity to find that balance themselves.
When the group began, employees wrestled with whether to establish rules around technology during sessions. Ultimately, they left the decision to the young people themselves.
Their initial rule about phones was simple: no rules. But as relationships within the group grew stronger, something changed.
“As the group became stronger and relationships developed, something interesting began to happen. The boys increasingly chose to put their phones away so they could interact with their peers. More established group members would sometimes even encourage newer members to put their phones away and join the activity.”
When asked what they value about the Barbershop, Weston said members consistently point to something that might seem surprising: autonomy. It is one of the few places, they tell him, where they’re trusted to make their own decisions and establish their own rules.
Take Stock of Your Scroll
Taken together, the advice from Pacific Clinics experts is less about finding the “right” amount of social media use and more about paying attention to your own experience as a unique individual. Notice how you feel, what you’re consuming, what your time online may be replacing and what it adds to your life. Then decide what, if anything, you’d like to change.
There may not be one set of rules that work for everyone. The goal is to make sure you’re choosing how social media fits into your life, rather than letting the scroll make that choice for you.
