The first day of school can bring excitement, anxiety and a lot of big emotions for students, parents and educators alike. That’s why Pacific Clinics’ School-Based Intervention Teams (SBIT) begin preparing months before children ever set foot on campus.
Throughout the summer, clinicians work alongside school partners across California to anticipate student needs, train employees, build relationships with families and prepare supports before classrooms fill with students again.
Research has shown that simple gestures like greeting students as they arrive can make a meaningful difference, especially for children who may be feeling anxious about returning to the classroom. That’s one reason Pacific Clinics employees often spend the first days of school making the energy as positive as possible and helping welcome students and families alongside school employees.
Patrick Neddersen, senior clinical director of Pacific Clinics’ School-Based Intervention Teams, recently shared additional insights about how families can help their children navigate the transition back to school, recognize when anxiety may require additional support and start the year on a positive note.
This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
Why can going back to school be emotionally challenging, even for kids who generally enjoy school?
Transitions are hard for people of any age. Even positive changes have an emotional weight to them. As adults, we might think about getting married, moving or changing jobs. For school-age kids, they go through a major transition twice every year: from school into summer and then from summer back into school.
For some kids, going back to school activates anxiety about the future: “What is this year going to be like? How am I going to organize myself? Who will be in my class?” For others, it can bring up difficult experiences from the past: “Last year was hard. Is this year going to be the same?”
There can even be a little bit of grief in the transition. A child may have spent a lot of time with family during the summer, and now that is changing. That is especially true for younger children. We have to remember they are developmentally still learning the skills they need to cope with these transitions.
What can parents do before school starts to make that transition easier?
One of the biggest things parents can do is bring back some structure ahead of time. If bedtime has gotten later during the summer, start moving it earlier. Begin reestablishing morning routines and expectations around devices. Ideally, you start at least a week ahead for a child who needs more time to adjust, although a few days may be enough for many kids.
It is also important to talk about the transition and normalize it. You can say, “School is coming. This is going to be different, and we’re going to get ready for it.”
I also encourage families to make time to be together before school starts. There can be a sense of loss when summer ends, particularly if a child has really enjoyed that additional family time. Setting aside a little more intentional time together can help close the summer and prepare them for what comes next.
How can a parent tell the difference between normal back-to-school jitters and anxiety that needs more attention?
It is completely normal to have some anxiety about change. The question I would look at is how much time and energy the worry is taking up and whether it is beginning to change the child’s behavior.
One thing to look at is “worry time.” The idea is that we all have worries, and we can give ourselves a period of time to acknowledge and validate them and then move on. If your child spends a few minutes telling you what they are worried about and then easily goes off to play or do something else, they are probably communicating a normal feeling.
However, if they are dwelling on it and the worry starts interfering with things they normally enjoy, pay attention to that. If there is still a week of summer left and suddenly they do not want to go to the water park or see their friends because they are so focused on school starting, the anxiety is already changing their behavior. That may be a sign that it is time to seek some additional support.
Parents also have to be mindful not to project our own experiences onto kids. We may remember that school was difficult for us and unintentionally escalate their worry by sharing too much of our own anxiety.
What should parents do if a child is saying, “I’m not going to school”?
Structure and consistency are really important, and that starts before the morning you need them to walk out the door.
One thing we often coach parents on is to only set boundaries that you know you can be successful with. You may need to pull the expectation back a little and find a midpoint that lets you work toward where you ultimately want to be.
You can also practice the transition. I have supported families who drove their child to school a week ahead of time. Maybe you drive past the campus, walk to the playground or shoot some hoops there. You are practicing the skill and making the environment more familiar before the first day.
If a child is already completely dysregulated, you could technically drag them kicking and screaming into school, but we know what the outcome of that is likely to be. That is when collaborating with the school and a professional becomes particularly important.
You mentioned younger children can have an especially hard time separating from family. What can that look like?
We spend a lot of energy supporting kindergarteners during the first few months of school because there are always a few children for whom that separation is really hard.
I once worked with a kindergartener who pretended to sleep for essentially the entire school day for his first week. We knew he was pretending. We let him do it, somebody sat with him and his mom picked him up in the afternoon. He just missed his mom that much!
Professionally, you could look at that and immediately think, “This is a problem. We have to push him.” But he was also five years old. We have to think about what is developmentally appropriate and what that child actually needs at that moment.
How can parents partner with teachers and schools during the transition?
Talk to the teacher, especially with younger children. A kindergarten or first-grade student who is anxious probably is not going to walk up to their teacher and explain that themselves. As adults, it is our job to normalize that conversation and advocate for them.
If you can connect with the teacher before school starts, great. If not, take the extra time to talk with them during the first days of school; ideally, with your child also present. Let them see that you trust the teacher and that asking for help is normal.
Back-to-school events are another great opportunity. Schools put a tremendous amount of effort into connecting with families at the beginning of the year, and that is often where parents can learn about counselors, wellness centers and other resources that are available before something reaches a crisis point.
If parents remember just one thing this back-to-school season, what should it be?
Remember, this is a big transition. We have to show compassion to our kids and love them through difficult feelings while continuing to push them forward in their development. They may pull on our heartstrings because home feels safe and comfortable. Our job is to stay consistent while supporting them through that moment.
And celebrate it. Starting a new school year is a milestone.
Kids need to know they have strength within themselves, but they also need to know they do not have to do things alone. School can be a great opportunity to reconnect with friends, build new relationships and find a community. That is something worth getting excited about.
